When You're Looking Forward To Producing Documentation You've Had a Rough Week
Well, we found her (hwuf).
I still can't tell if we overreacted or not, I mean it's not as if she was actually going to-- Well, now that's tricky, isn't it, because all I can really say with any knowing what I'm saying is that it became retroactively true that she hadn't been about to as soon as we showed up like gangbusters.
Can I just say, speaking as an engineer now, that people are really really obnoxious? Seveeeeere ghosts in machines. {Oxford Don}Given the most stringently controlled conditions of temperature and pressure, the organism will do as it damn well pleases{/Oxford Don}
Yeah well anyway back to the sweet little story I am telling you about how I again had to save the world from its own damn self, the world in this case being personified and avatarred and avafeathered by your friend and my friend Katherine Arkhos. And you're not going to believe me when I tell you, but they didn't believe Marco Polo either and several generations of modern scholarship have proven absolutely true everything HE said too and I have faith that forensic evidence will bear me out as well.
So as I was saying before I so rudely interrupted mythelf. (by the by this is all coming to you over voice transcription software; it can spell impeccably even if the punctuation is sometimes lacking. So assume it's me being idiosyncratic if anything goes wrong-- I did in fact intend to say 'mythelf' rather than 'myself' at least inasmuch as I ever intend to say ANYTHING, postmodernist's delight That I Am).
Spooky would be saying something about how despite discussing a rather serious subject I'm being slightly more flippant than usual. 's debatable, but even if I am, cut me some slack, ombwae. Takes the sting out of a recently fairly stingy life.
At any and all events. I basically found Katherine. Not telling you how; my lower epiglottal sphincter will never be the same, tho. Took for freaking ever. Spooky was just getting back from Kambodjha by the time I was ready to roll. And roll we did (anybody notice how Spooky an’ I have been going on roughly a metric fuck-ton of road trips lately? I swear it has nothing to do with my desperate need to spend most of my life in convertibles workin’ my mojo on hot chicks. See, now, there’s that damn flippancy again.
You see and will surely understand that when we were in the car on the way there, I had seen the storm brewing and a little voice in my head had told me that I should do as I in fact did, which was to kludge up a crude sort of portable lightning-rod out of the car's antenna and some other common household itemses. Which turned out to be a good idea when we got where Katherine was, which as I’ve been working up to telling you was the LIGHTNING FIELD.
God only knows how she conned them into letting her stay there; it’s supposed to be one day per person and that’s it, and they seem really damn anal and standoffish if you read their website (oh you’re a big person google it yourself). But she’d been there for a good week when we showed up, chilling out on the high desert with a laptop, a solar charger, and a couple of swords.
Except I’m telling this all backwards because we didn’t find out about the swords until way after we found out about the storm.
You gotta understand that the little lightning rod was me totally flipping out (god THAT never happens EVER) because another thing that never happens ever is that the lighting field is never actually stricken by lightning. Talking once every few years. Only there just HAPPENED to be this AMAZING RAGNAROK THUNDERSTORM brewing that struck just before we got there (I will never tell you how we managed to find the place without a guide; Spooky and I have to maintain our aura of ineffable magnificence).
Girl was out in the middle of this HUGE FIELD OF METAL POLES, of course, wandering around with her sword dangling from her left arm as her right fired at will with her enormous expensive camera.
If I explained it to you, would you believe me? How we spotted each other and froze, then I started walking slowly towards her and she just kinda smiled? How the hair on the back of my neck started rising, and I figured out what was going on, and knocked Katherine down (I knocked Katherine down!) and jammed the ground of the lighting rod into the ground just as the sky cracked open and electricity, which I tend to think of as kinda like a pet, came down like a god instead and melted the rod into the ground and should have killed us? I still don’t know why it didn’t. The rod shouldn’t have worked. Guess the story’s just better that way.
‘Course I probably just made this all up. We mighta just found her in a bar somewhere and sobered her up for a week before presenting her to the world.
Unless Katherine really did go off to a mystical pilgrimage to the desert and find herself. Nobody knows except Spooky and me and Katherine and none of us are really likely to ever give you a straight answer.
Oh God I sound like Morgenstern, kill me but do it gentle, I don’t want to suffer, I’m too pretty to suffer.
What’s certain is that after the main storm passed (if there really was a storm, mahaha), Spooky walked up to Katherine and it sorta became clear that I should go explore this famous work of art for a while. And when I got back, they were both really pale and neither of them talked for like an hour’s worth of wandering through all these huge metal poles. Awkward. I have no idea what they said, and Spooky is off on this whole Japanese thing where she’s pretending that nothing ever happened so’s Katherine doesn’t lose face for running away in the first place (which, come on, what is she, like, twelve?) and if I talk to Katherine about this I’ll just start yelling at her again. Which I guess is kinda like the Japanese thing Spooky’s doing, but at least it has nothing to do with anybody’s noble birth. After the quiet hour, though, Katherine said that she had gotten some amazing pictures of the storm coming in.
Of course being in the middle of that electromagnetofuck had completely annihilated everything on her flash card; when I kinda shouted about this at her ('m afraid to say I allowed some of my general anxiety about the girl to seep over into Saturday Totally Uncoiling At Katherine About Unwise Electrical Decisions) she looked like she'd been expecting it and just smiled this enigmatical smile and vaulted over the side into the backseat of the car. And we went home, and a couple of days later Katherine called and came over and we watched a couple of Kurosawa movies and nobody talked about any of it, except that Katherine brought a bottle of Coppola director's reserve Carneros pinot noir, which she totally can't afford.
What's that, dear reader?
Of course Spooky an' me roll in a convertible. What'd you expect?
Current Mood: 
weirdCurrent Music: Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - Panic! At the Disco 
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